Tuesday, 26 June 2012

Archive Crap vol 1: Gorerotted A-Z from 2004

The A-Z below appeared on the Gorerotted website from around 2004. A lot of people we met -particularly in Europe- had no idea what we were talking about half the time due to the various regional accents we had, our inability to speak coherently whilst drunk and some of the strange language we used. It should give a brief insight to the culture of Gorerotted. (Some of the definitions have asterix next to them. Scroll to the bottom of the post for their 2012 update):

3 Euros: A price offered to someone in return for them doing something stupid, eg. piss drinking, amateur scrotal piercing, chilli powder snorting, allowing someone else to punch them in the face as hard as they can etc.

150% Fashion: Descriptive of the style in which various members of the band choose to dress. Obviously the term is entirely subjective.

Ashtray: Gorerotted's soundman, a handsome, softly spoken Germanic/Peruvian gentleman. Inherited said nickname by smoking between 100 and 140 cigarettes per day (no exaggeration)*

Buckfast: Fighting juice

Chinese Owl, To look like a: A condition suffered after smoking ridiculously strong weed in heavy proportions.

Coca-Cola: Robin Pants' other nickname due to his similar ability to make people’s teeth fall out.

Cock 'N' Balls: The lads' preferred term for male genitalia.

Crap Ears: A disability suffered by 3/5s of the band, be they oversized & sticking out, scratched off & deformed, or simply over-stretched by crap ear-lobe tunnel things.

Dusty Bin: The name of the band's longest serving bong. Kept in an old Morrison's carrier bag when not in use, Dusty Bin is a firm favourite amongst the boys for his years of companionship. The water has never been changed.**

"Euuugggghhhh!": An expression of distaste for something

The Fear: A condition suffered after a heavy night/week/tour. Involves lying on the bed curled up in a ball, sweating, clutching your sides and feeling sorry for yourself.

Ferry: A favourite tour bus driver of the boys, an ex-Iranian soldier complete with bullet holes, stabwounds, 32" biceps, and the ability to knock out the whole band and put them to bed on the bus, all with a smile on his face.

Garrotted: The correct spelling of the word from which the band's name comes. An old form of capital punishment used in Spain in which a garrotte would have been used to choke the condemned. Included here for the benefit of people that come up with crap theories of what the band's name actually means. (eg. 'a take on 'Rotten to the Gore', 'gore that has rotted', sometimes even stupider ideas, I could go on all day.) Incidentally, it's pronounced GuhROTted. Not GORE-Rotted. Fuck you all.

Hair: Something few of the band have, yet something all are able to discuss at great lengths with great enthusiasm for hours on end.

“Has that got meat in it?”: Vegetarian members of the band can never order anything without first sniffing it and asking the origin of the leaves, or whether a cow has grazed within a mile radius.

Head-veins: Enormous ugly lumps that appear on Wilson and Goreskin's heads while they 'sing'

Hospital: A large building frequented by members of the band after being thrown head first into tables, drop kicking steel signs, sliding down into the underground between escalators and having their teeth knocked in to name just a few reasons.

"Ich bin eine kleine swanche lucher": Wilson knows just enough German to get by on tour

Junky Junky Gypos: Like the Hungry Hippo board game, except instead of white balls you use white powder, and instead of plastic hippos you use shaven headed pricks with rolled up tenners sticking out their noses. A drug taking free for all.

Mattoos: Crap Tattoos. Taken from Robin Pants' real name (Matt) and his sporting of several atrocious pieces of work.

Norwich Based Hardcore: Description of any band/thing from Norwich

Passport: AKA Cliff, Gorerotted's longest serving roadie/driver. Got the nickname after repeatedly finding he'd forgotten his passport at the worst possible times, namely boarder patrols and on the way to ferry ports. He’s practically deaf, very short sighted, diabetic, speaks like a mong, got a crap haircut, an enormous Grizzly Adams beard, and the useless tosser also recently lost a toe in a motorcycle accident. A true legend, a God amongst men, and a standard all heavy metalness should be measured by.

Piss-Thumbing: A drunken sport involving someone else's stream of piss and your thumb.

Queue at the dole office: A place various members of the band could/can be found hanging around.

Racket: Descriptive of any music Junky Jon listens to.

Shoes: Another obsession of the boys. Preferably shiny, white and with a retail value of £100 plus. Usually obtained cheaper through other sources.

Specials: Cans of lager

Special Shop: An Off-License / Liquor Store / Bottle Shop

Specialized: To be inebriated

Trud: Jack-Boot wearing Screamin' Daemon frontman and driver/equipment provider of various band members. Like one of those bottom heavy inflatable clown things, no matter how many times you knock the cunt down, he always comes back at you for more. Recently became ordained as a priest for the sole purposes of getting through customs easier, and being able to touch the elderly.***

Uniform of Dishonour: Clothes set aside for people who wet themselves after a heavy night of heavy drinking. Includes an ill-fitting pair of stonewashed jeans, a piece of electrical flux for a belt and an old Evoke T-Shirt with ‘I Denounce Your Beliefs’ Written on the back. Worst clothes ever.****

* Ashtray went on to engineer 'A New Dawn For The Dead' but the band was so unhappy with the outcome that the studio owner (Stefan Fimmers of Necrophagist) had to remix the whole thing. We haven't seen Ashtray since.

** Dusty Bin eventually went missing. The band issued a statement pleading for his safe return and offered a substantial reward (3 Euros, obviously). To this day his whereabouts are unknown, but we hope whoever has him hasn't changed the water either.

*** Trud of course now plays Bass in The Rotted.

**** Word eventually reached us that Evoke saw this entry and took it as a personal insult. I'd like to point out here and now that this was never our intention. We were not calling their band crap, it was just that the shirt was available the first time a band member suffered an unfortunate trouser accident. It was used from then onwards because it didn't fit any of us and was therefore expendable. I had a drink with vocalist Jamie when The Rotted played with Lock Up in Notttingham last year and all is fine.