Tuesday, 26 June 2012

Archive Crap vol 1: Gorerotted A-Z from 2004

The A-Z below appeared on the Gorerotted website from around 2004. A lot of people we met -particularly in Europe- had no idea what we were talking about half the time due to the various regional accents we had, our inability to speak coherently whilst drunk and some of the strange language we used. It should give a brief insight to the culture of Gorerotted. (Some of the definitions have asterix next to them. Scroll to the bottom of the post for their 2012 update):

3 Euros: A price offered to someone in return for them doing something stupid, eg. piss drinking, amateur scrotal piercing, chilli powder snorting, allowing someone else to punch them in the face as hard as they can etc.

150% Fashion: Descriptive of the style in which various members of the band choose to dress. Obviously the term is entirely subjective.

Ashtray: Gorerotted's soundman, a handsome, softly spoken Germanic/Peruvian gentleman. Inherited said nickname by smoking between 100 and 140 cigarettes per day (no exaggeration)*

Buckfast: Fighting juice

Chinese Owl, To look like a: A condition suffered after smoking ridiculously strong weed in heavy proportions.

Coca-Cola: Robin Pants' other nickname due to his similar ability to make people’s teeth fall out.

Cock 'N' Balls: The lads' preferred term for male genitalia.

Crap Ears: A disability suffered by 3/5s of the band, be they oversized & sticking out, scratched off & deformed, or simply over-stretched by crap ear-lobe tunnel things.

Dusty Bin: The name of the band's longest serving bong. Kept in an old Morrison's carrier bag when not in use, Dusty Bin is a firm favourite amongst the boys for his years of companionship. The water has never been changed.**

"Euuugggghhhh!": An expression of distaste for something

The Fear: A condition suffered after a heavy night/week/tour. Involves lying on the bed curled up in a ball, sweating, clutching your sides and feeling sorry for yourself.

Ferry: A favourite tour bus driver of the boys, an ex-Iranian soldier complete with bullet holes, stabwounds, 32" biceps, and the ability to knock out the whole band and put them to bed on the bus, all with a smile on his face.

Garrotted: The correct spelling of the word from which the band's name comes. An old form of capital punishment used in Spain in which a garrotte would have been used to choke the condemned. Included here for the benefit of people that come up with crap theories of what the band's name actually means. (eg. 'a take on 'Rotten to the Gore', 'gore that has rotted', sometimes even stupider ideas, I could go on all day.) Incidentally, it's pronounced GuhROTted. Not GORE-Rotted. Fuck you all.

Hair: Something few of the band have, yet something all are able to discuss at great lengths with great enthusiasm for hours on end.

“Has that got meat in it?”: Vegetarian members of the band can never order anything without first sniffing it and asking the origin of the leaves, or whether a cow has grazed within a mile radius.

Head-veins: Enormous ugly lumps that appear on Wilson and Goreskin's heads while they 'sing'

Hospital: A large building frequented by members of the band after being thrown head first into tables, drop kicking steel signs, sliding down into the underground between escalators and having their teeth knocked in to name just a few reasons.

"Ich bin eine kleine swanche lucher": Wilson knows just enough German to get by on tour

Junky Junky Gypos: Like the Hungry Hippo board game, except instead of white balls you use white powder, and instead of plastic hippos you use shaven headed pricks with rolled up tenners sticking out their noses. A drug taking free for all.

Mattoos: Crap Tattoos. Taken from Robin Pants' real name (Matt) and his sporting of several atrocious pieces of work.

Norwich Based Hardcore: Description of any band/thing from Norwich

Passport: AKA Cliff, Gorerotted's longest serving roadie/driver. Got the nickname after repeatedly finding he'd forgotten his passport at the worst possible times, namely boarder patrols and on the way to ferry ports. He’s practically deaf, very short sighted, diabetic, speaks like a mong, got a crap haircut, an enormous Grizzly Adams beard, and the useless tosser also recently lost a toe in a motorcycle accident. A true legend, a God amongst men, and a standard all heavy metalness should be measured by.

Piss-Thumbing: A drunken sport involving someone else's stream of piss and your thumb.

Queue at the dole office: A place various members of the band could/can be found hanging around.

Racket: Descriptive of any music Junky Jon listens to.

Shoes: Another obsession of the boys. Preferably shiny, white and with a retail value of £100 plus. Usually obtained cheaper through other sources.

Specials: Cans of lager

Special Shop: An Off-License / Liquor Store / Bottle Shop

Specialized: To be inebriated

Trud: Jack-Boot wearing Screamin' Daemon frontman and driver/equipment provider of various band members. Like one of those bottom heavy inflatable clown things, no matter how many times you knock the cunt down, he always comes back at you for more. Recently became ordained as a priest for the sole purposes of getting through customs easier, and being able to touch the elderly.***

Uniform of Dishonour: Clothes set aside for people who wet themselves after a heavy night of heavy drinking. Includes an ill-fitting pair of stonewashed jeans, a piece of electrical flux for a belt and an old Evoke T-Shirt with ‘I Denounce Your Beliefs’ Written on the back. Worst clothes ever.****

* Ashtray went on to engineer 'A New Dawn For The Dead' but the band was so unhappy with the outcome that the studio owner (Stefan Fimmers of Necrophagist) had to remix the whole thing. We haven't seen Ashtray since.

** Dusty Bin eventually went missing. The band issued a statement pleading for his safe return and offered a substantial reward (3 Euros, obviously). To this day his whereabouts are unknown, but we hope whoever has him hasn't changed the water either.

*** Trud of course now plays Bass in The Rotted.

**** Word eventually reached us that Evoke saw this entry and took it as a personal insult. I'd like to point out here and now that this was never our intention. We were not calling their band crap, it was just that the shirt was available the first time a band member suffered an unfortunate trouser accident. It was used from then onwards because it didn't fit any of us and was therefore expendable. I had a drink with vocalist Jamie when The Rotted played with Lock Up in Notttingham last year and all is fine.

Saturday, 5 May 2012

Misery Index/Grave tour 2010: Leipzin, DE

Saturday 27th Nov – Leipzig, Germany

There's something very wrong with this mirror, but I can't work out what...

Last show of the tour! It was dark when we got to the venue, and covered in snow. It was a decent turnout, and we were given rubber style dumplings to eat that bounced and stuck to the wall if you threw them hard enough. Met quite an interesting dude in a Wolfbrigade shirt who was actually a linguistics professor or something, and a few other cool people too. There are usually shenanigans during the headliner's set on the final night of any tour, so someone from Arsis suggested we walk onstage like zombies then collapse during Grave’s set, as they were on last. The fact that this piss-poor suggestion was the only one given meant that that’s exactly what we did, and yes, it was shit! Must try harder next time. 

Anyway, after the gig, we said our goodbyes to the other bands and they left promptly to catch flights back to the US, Canada or Sweden. Due to us travelling separately and getting on with our own thing we were in our own bubble really, so we didn’t spend a lot of time hanging out with them, but they were a good bunch of fellas. Some tours have a stupid hierarchy thing going on where no one’s allowed to eat or shower until the headliners have, and no one else is allowed in the backstage room, or no one’s allowed to approach them or look them in the eyes without prior written consent, but there was none of that crap on this tour thankfully, it was pretty down to Earth. We were to stay with a friend of the promoter, and once again I flaked out and went to sleep as soon as we got in while the others sat up drinking with our hosts. The next day was spent driving to Calais where we were to catch the following morning’s early ferry back to Blighty. Totally exhausting, but in general a kick ass month. We had 2 weeks home, then our Israel tour was to start. I'll try and write something about that too, so check back soon.


Misery Index/Grave tour 2010: Tilburg, NL

Friday 26th Nov – Tilburg, Netherlands

I’d been looking forward to this show for a while because our tour was teaming up with the Black Breath tour to do a 2 roomed min-fest. We were on the downstairs stage, they were in the bar upstairs. The venue also has a huge stage that bands the size of Queens Of The Stoneage play, so the whole place is really well run. We were given our own room backstage, and a big rider complete with Jack Daniels and good catering. Our old friend Mick was on his way over, as were Cherie and Russell from the beginning of the tour. The first show I ever did with Gorerotted in 1999 was in the Netherlands and we’ve come back pretty regularly, so even though we were on at 6:30 (again!!! I fucking hate that time of day now), we had a cool crowd and it was fun. After our set I saw some people we’ve known for years, the guys from Severe Torture, Rompeprop the promoter Ruud and various others, but by this point I was completely drained of all energy. At home I eat really well and regularly train at the gym, plus I sleep pretty well, but having fuck all rest and living on 1 or sometimes 2 meals a day of varying quality, I felt physically empty, weak and totally fucked. I went to watch Black Breath though and they were on fire! Fucking awesome gig and I picked up a white Razor To Oblivion shirt straight after their set. Tried to chat to a couple of them in their back stage room, but either they’ve done too much acid over the years or they were even more out of it than I was because they didn’t really have any idea what was going on. Either that or they just weren’t interested in talking, so I left them to it and hung out with friends for the rest of the evening. We stayed at Mick's afterwards and he gave Nate the world's narrowest blow up bed ever.

Misery Index/Grave tour 2010: Gent, BE

Thursday 25th Nov – Gent, Belgium

10 years ago there was a really cool small venue in Gent called The Frontline. It was run by a lady called Christine (I think!) and it had a real good vibe to it. She'd provide plenty of Belgian beer, let bands stay at her place upstairs and there was always a loyal and dedicated crowd who seemed to come to every gig. We have some really good memories of playing there and of the people. It was at a time when Belgium’s music scene seemed to be mainly about Hardcore and the only Belgian bands I can think of that we ever played with were Aborted and Agathocles. A lot of Death Metal tours came through Gent though and the scene there was pretty healthy. Here's some rare footage of the blood-drenched Mutilated In Minutes era line up of Gorerotted from 2001, I think this was our first or second time at the place:

Anyway, I guess these people have lost interest or have families now because I didn’t see anyone I knew from the old days (with the exception of Alexi, a crazy Russian who lives in the area and always comes out.) This venue was similar to the stale Italian/German one I mentioned earlier, and it was more like playing a school gymnasium than a gig. Check out these toilets that make Trud look like a giant:

There was no way of getting your knob, bollocks and arse into the pan all at once, so what should have been a mundane and simple job turned into quite the challenge. And what a crowd! There were plenty of people there, but they looked bored shitless throughout all of the bands’ sets and I wondered if this was a Gent thing. I was told by someone that it is now, and that most bands get zero reaction from the crowd on week nights. Apparently people enjoyed us, and we sold a fair few EPs again. I don’t remember much about the rest of the evening, just that I had no desire to return to a town that had once been so vibrant. But finally, we were able to get some quality sleep in actual beds as we headed to yet another spunk-drenched Formula 1.

Misery Index/Grave tour 2010: Plymouth, UK

Wednesday 24th Nov – Plymouth, UK

Most long tours have their low points, and this was mine. I’d fallen asleep in the van during the journey and had a really vivid and horrible dream about dead members of my immediate family. I woke up feeling shaken and really depressed by it. We were also driving through Somerset where I'd moved to about 3 years before, and I could see the same Quantocks hills that I can see from my house. So close to home and yet so far from being home. I don’t get homesick on tours, but right then I just wanted to head back to my everyday life. Anyway, we drove on to the White Rabbit venue and after unloading and setting up we had a walk around Plymouth, famous of course for it's really really useful shops: 

I enjoyed the show here, Plymouth’s Metalheads are really cool. They live in probably the most isolated city in England (the nearest one to them is Exeter which is a fair way off) and they’re always really up for it. The whole venue had been changed so everything was at opposite ends which threw me a bit but the gig was another good one, despite a few technical difficulties. Some mates of ours were out too, so we hung with them at the bar and did a bunch of shots. It was a cool end to what had started off as a really shit day, and we eventually left to do another night drive so we could catch a ferry from Dover back to Europe. Plotted the twat-nav for a Formula One hotel en route where we hoped for a few hours kip, but when we got there we found it hadn't been built yet, so decided to head straight to the coast and wait there instead.

Misery Index/Grave tour 2010: Dublin, IE

Tuesday 23rd Nov – Dublin, Ireland

We got to the venue at a decent time and it was being promoted by our friend H from Dublin Metal events who's always good to touring bands in terms of rider and stuff like that. We had a walk around the city as always and let Louis Walsh off for the night so he could spend it in the hostel we'd been given with his girlfriend who he hadn't seen her in a couple of months. He later returned skipping, cartwheeling and high-fiving everyone.

I usually try to get to the Porterhouse in the Temple Bar area for a few pints of red porter and oyster stout when we're over, but we didn’t make it this trip. We found some really cool shops and markets though, check out this book stall:

So there you have it, proof that the Irish are only interested in crime and mountaineering

These days I eat any old shite, but I was still pesco vegetarian in 2010 and hugely into Vedic and Southern Indian food, so I went into this Krishna kitchen and had a really good dinner. Unfortunately it repeated on me during the gig, but I’m sure the people near the front were grateful for my daal scented burps. After us, as is often the case with American and Canadian bands playing in Ireland, both Arsis and The Last Felony did the whole "I'm of Irish descent" type spiel from the stage. I swear, you could actually hear the sticky sound of everyone in the audience's eyes rolling in their heads, it was quite disgusting. We had a good night in the end, met some cool people and there were a few more familiar faces in the crowd including Patrick from Buried zine, which is a hardcover book-bound fanzine, hand printed on handmade paper. It was hard to unwind though because I was by now totally knackered and knew we had a long, weakening trip to Plymouth straight after the gig. After load out and assisting with dealing with a couple of drunk morons trying to get onto the nightliner (who got a few whacks, and later arrested for their trouble. Ha!) we headed for the ferry. This time though I stayed in the van to try and sleep a bit.

Misery Index/Grave tour 2010: London, UK

Monday 22nd Nov – London, UK

Ah, The Underworld, and on a Monday night no less! Most shows I go to see are here, it’s the perfect size for underground bands and right opposite Camden station. We’ve played it a ton of times, usually as headliners or main support. But tonight, we were to go on first and at 6:30pm. This was our hometown show really, even though at the time none of us were living in London. It felt weird having to play before most our friends could get there, so we asked The Last Felony if they’d swap places on the bill, which they refused. It kind of bugged us, but we later found out the tour was actually costing them a fair bit of money to do, so I suppose in that situation I’d probably wanna stay higher up the bill as well. I didn’t know if there would even be anyone there for us, especially as we were doing a free gig up the road a couple of weeks later, but our friend Frank who works security told us there was a queue outside and people were asking what time we were on. So we played (early) and it was a cool show. A bunch of our mates turned up later, some we couldn't get in for free gave it a miss though. Had a good night none the less and got pretty hammered.

This was probably the time of the tour we got the least amount of rest. We’d left Paris really early in the morning, been pissed about at the ferry port and sent to the Euro Tunnel due to a strike, waited in a long queue, then got sent to another ferry company elsewhere because our van was too high for the Euro Tunnel, and we only just made it to London in time. That night we had to head straight to Hollyhead to catch the ferry to Dublin. I thought about sleeping in the van for the crossing, but I couldn't resist the call of the ferry bar which is something I always enjoy on tours, so I went there instead.

Misery Index/Grave tour 2010: Paris, FR

Sunday 21st Nov – Paris, France

This was a pretty cool gig. It was at a newish venue for Metal shows that some people didn’t know too well and unfortunately there was a Metro strike which meant public transport was limited, but there was a good crowd and we got a good response. Afterwards, Nate and I spent about an hour trying to find the hotel that was supposed to be very close by but we just got lost. We met some Moroccan drug dealers though who were really friendly and tried to help direct us. I like Paris, I’ll have to come back at some point. Can’t say I was looking forward to the early morning rise to get back to London though....

Misery Index/Grave tour 2010: Nantes, FR

Saturday 20th Nov - Nantes, France

Saturday night in France, and what would turn out to be our favourite show of the tour! The in-house photographer was also the chef so he did us a very nice home cooked dinner, and come show time the room was totally packed. The moshing and stage diving was every bit as energetic for us as it was for the headliners. These were a good bunch of people and really responsive, all squeezed in together, the perfect audience. The venue was on the waterfront and after the gig we walked around the town and saw this massive Battleship. Didn't look like it had seen much action though, fuck knows why...

Then we met the most stereotypical French dude ever. He had bouffant hair, was smoking Gitane filterless, had a bum-fluff moustache, and was dressed in tight black denim with winklepicker shoes. He looked a bit like Patrice, the French exchange student in the Inbetweeners. The only way he could have been more French looking is if he’d been wearing a beret and had a load of onions hanging round his neck. He was trying to explain to us that French women were the best in the world and did lots of animated gestures with his hips and fists. But I think we were in the red light district, or just an area full of ropey old sorts because these were definitely not the best women in the world. 

Headed back to the venue. The bar area was for anyone to come into, not just the gig and it seems this row of bars and clubs attract a lot of bar-hoppers who would have a few drinks in each one then move on. Met some cool locals, and after altering a sign by the bar that was advertising punch, we tried to offer our ex-military, MMA enthusiast drummer out for fights at a very reasonable price. No one seemed interested though.

I also did this video interview with a very nice chap in the afternoon.

Misery Index/Grave tour 2010: Bilbao, ES

Friday 18th Nov – Bilbao, Spain

I have to admit I wasn’t looking forward to our final Spanish show, I assumed it would be pretty dead again, but in the end I was pleasantly surprised. Things started by running late, and everything being a rush. As openers, we got to soundcheck on most of the shows just before the doors opened to make sure things were working, but due to some guys from the other bands pissing about jamming shit Metallica songs while we should have been setting up, we ended up sound checking late which meant the doors had to be opened late too. The promoter was a bit pissed off and came to ask why we were taking so long and I think by now the tiredness and shit gigs the last 2 nights had got to us because we shouted at him that we would have been done long ago if we didn’t have to wait for a bunch of weakeners to finish pissing about jamming shit Metallica songs!!! But then the doors opened and the room filled with an audience with big grins, so we had a really good show to a really good crowd and it totally made up for the other 2 nights in Spain. I’d happily come to this part again, but I'd probably miss out the rest of the country to be honest

Fascist, sieg heiling toilet signs in Spain

Misery Index/Grave tour 2010: Madrid, ES

Thursday 17th Nov – Madrid, Spain

We’d played this venue a couple of times in the past and like before, the gig was being run by a member of the band Avulsed who are top lads and who we’ve played with a few times. Madrid’s a great city, but I don’t have many memories of this one either really, just that it was quiet to start with, then filled out a bit when people had finished work, then after the gig there was an aftershow with some striptease act booked.

Misery Index/Grave tour 2010: Barcelon, ES

Wednesday 16th Nov - Barcelona, Spain

Spain. Another country I love visiting as a tourist, but not as a musician. This was the first of another 2 nights when we ended up going onstage really early while people were finishing up at work, so this was a pretty unremarkable gig for us. After we played, I went for a walk around the city on my own. I’d been here before and had spent a lot of time drinking in a square full of tourists, jugglers and Crusty Punks with dogs on bits of string. I didn’t find it, but I did meet a couple of random Crusties on my walk who obviously weren't gonna be paying the kind of ticket prices this tour had, what with 2 headliners, a tour agency, promoters, crew and a massive nightliner needing paying from the entrance fee. I think if we do Italy and Spain again, we’ll play squats and all-nighters. Eventually, I returned to the venue and have little recollection of the rest of the evening, except that the promoter gave us pizza. I lost 2 stone or something stupid doing this tour, so it was a welcomed site.


Misery Index/Grave tour 2010: Luynes, FR

Tuesday 15th Nov – Luynes, France

We got to the venue at a decent time. The drives we were doing these last few days were through the Alps

So the views had been incredible, all rocks, caves and waterfalls. It also meant lots of braking coming down the mountains, so it was time to fit new brake pads and blocks to the van which I left to the rest of the lads. Ever since I was young and heard about my nan's uncle losing a finger when the jack broke and the whole weight of the car came crashing down on it via the wheel rim, I've had as little to do with jacked up motors as possible and to this day I hate changing tyres. Went for a walk into the town with Louis Walsh instead. It’s no secret that historically there’s a bit of tension between the English and the French, but all that bullshit aside, like everywhere else you go the people are actually pretty decent. If you at least make a little bit of effort to speak their language so they can realise you’re not some pissed-up football hooligan on a booze cruise, they’re usually pretty friendly. Tonight’s show was cool apart from a few technical difficulties forcing us to cut our set short. There was a decent amount of people there and they responded well though.

We’ve never played France that much, it’s an odd country for Metal. I’m told it has a really good scene but that with the exception of Gojira, not many bands are known outside France. I wouldn't mind going back there more often.

Misery Index/Grave tour 2010: Almost Switzerland...

Monday 15th Nov – Another show we couldn’t make

Due to REALLY shitty traffic leaving Rome, we got to a certain point where we realised there was no way we’d get to the venue in time for our slot. Even if things started moving suddenly and we were able to go flat out, Switzerland are ridiculous when it comes to bands trying to get over the border. They’re not part of the Euro and they always search the van thoroughly to make sure you’re not trying to sell anything there, or if there’s a cut for them which takes a few hours. We maybe would have got there as Grave or Misery Index were going on if we were lucky, but more likely we'd miss the whole thing so we reluctantly let Jay the Tour Manager know we weren’t gonna make it and headed to the next show instead so we could at least be early for that. It’s not always possible for tours to follow a sensible routing where the consecutive shows are in cities that are only a couple of hundred miles apart, but this one was pretty crazy for all the distances between gigs, so much so that the Nightliner legally had to have 2 drivers for some of the journeys so that one could rest in a bunk while the other drove. We didn't have that option, so there was never much chance of us making this one. We spent the day driving, watching movies, listening to Nate's HP Lovecraft audio book and eating cheese and bread from the previous gig's rider. At least we got to see this outside someone's house though:

Sunday, 29 April 2012

Misery Index/Grave tour 2010: Rome, IT

Sunday 14th Nov – Rome, Italy

We got to Rome pretty early having done most the drive the previous night. Trud’s old friend James who was living in Rome with his girlfriend Alessia was there to greet us. They’d brought us wine! 

(L-R): Louis Walsh, Trud/Ben, Trud/Ben, James, Alessia

He said since living there though he’d found no sniff of a Metal scene in the area, so I didn’t know what to expect tonight. Cathedral were also in town and we wondered why the shows hadn’t been combined, but apparently the different musical styles would pull totally different crowds in Italy with little crossover appeal. 

We set off for a look around Rome before the show. Italy’s my favourite country in Europe to visit, if it weren’t for the police bastards I’d happily move there, but it’s never been my favourite country to play. But anyway, we went for a long walk and saw the coliseum and the statue of Mussolini and a load of other sites, then we went to a traditional family run restaurant. 

The seafood linguine was fuckin lovely, I only wish Italian venues provided food of this quality instead of totally overcooked pasta with tinned tomatos and soggy chips. Had another look around the place, and saw the famous fountain where if you throw a coin in, supposedly you’ll return to it one day. Trud took this to mean that if he threw one in and didn't go back, he could do whatever he wanted forever with zero comeuppance and couldn't die, but we couldn't get close enough for him to try because it was surrounded by superstitious types throwing coins in, possibly for the same reason. We had this lame photo taken of us instead though.

Anyway, the gig was another odd one. There was a local band opening and things started to run late. There were also technical issues which meant we went on even later, and the stage was made out of sections that moved apart due to the rumble from our instruments which saw me doing the splits and looking down into a gaping hole a few times. We had a good bunch of people at the barrier though and it was a decent show. Trud decided to go with his friends to the Cathedral show, but I was so totally exhausted I gave it a miss and just headed to wherever it was we stayed. It was around this point that I noticed the pebble that had been on the step at the back of the van since leaving Tim’s house had either fallen off or been stolen by some negative vibe merchant. I was gutted, it had been with us so long and I’d hoped we’d be able to take it back home again for a memento.

Misery Index/Grave tour: Vincenza, IT

Saturday 13th Nov – Vincenza, Italy

This was an odd one. We pulled up to the 800 capacity venue and were immediately taken with the Pit Bull Terrier puppy that was running around the place. Gorgeous little dog and very playful. Come to think of it, the mutts we met on this tour stick out the most. 

Sadly though, this was to be the first of a few shows where we would go onstage while people were still at work, and in cities where people like to head home, relax, have dinner with the family, then head out much later that meant a pretty small turnout for us. Probably the lowest of the whole tour, this one. I carried the dog onstage with me for a bit of company, but he soon ran off into the audience. Must have got stage fright. I’d been told he’d spent the Misfits gig the previous evening sat onstage by Jerry Only’s feet looking up at him while he played though, so maybe we just weren’t good enough a band for him to join. Dog’s gotta have standards! But there were a bunch of guys stood grinning near the front, and when we started one of them opened his coat to reveal a very old Gorerotted shirt. So this gig was for them. Sometimes we meet people who say they liked Gorerotted but don’t like the Punk aspect of what we do now. Sometimes we meet people who say they like The Rotted but never cared for Gorerotted, and sometimes we meet people like this who have followed us from day one and are still here with us. Always nice, that. Afterwards, we sent Trud into the crowd to do some Terry Tibbsing of the EPs, and remarkably he sold quite a few. Maybe the place just looked dead because of the size and all the hiding places? We said our goodbyes to the owner who was a real cool Punk/Hardcore guy -and to his dog of course- and started the journey to Rome.

Misery Index/Grave tour 2010: Bolzano, IT

Friday 12th Nov – Bruneck/Bolzano, Italy.

We woke up at a decent time to head to the next show in Bruneck/Bolzano. I dunno if that means it was between 2 towns or that the town had 2 names, but this was a weird fucking place! It’s Italy, but everyone speaks German. I guess it used to be part of Germany or Switzerland maybe, and most people seem to consider themselves German still. As is always the way in Italy, as soon as we crossed the border we were flagged down by the police. We had to show him our passports, driver’s licences, papers, insurance documents, then when he found no problems he did an inspection of the van instead. We always try to be polite and friendly to people we meet, but this guy was a proper, proper arsehole. Italy has the most twattish Police and customs people I’ve ever encountered, it must be in their training. We were soon sent on our way after he radioed through to base to make sure none of us were wanted for anything that he could arrest us for, and we arrived at the venue which was about as stale and soulless a venue as you’d find anywhere. All glass walls, metallic furnishings and just too clinical for a Metal gig, it looked more like a leisure centre and the small area it was in reminded me of Milton Keynes. The stage was huge and the room was brightly lit and carpeted if I remember right so there was fuck all atmosphere inside too. After the set -which went OK- I went upstairs to the backstage room. Let me tell you about backstage rooms these days. Forget all that Motely Crue shit of drugs, midgets, groupies and scallywag behaviour, go into most backstage rooms and you’ll be met by a wall of guys on their lap-tops, checking their Facebooks or watching dull as shit Yngwie Malmesteen guitar solos on YouTube, then complaining that the signal’s weak because everyone else is doing the same. So, after a pretty uneventful evening we headed for our hotel. I was driving, and a sign said ‘Stop’, so I did. Police came from nowhere to ask me why I’d stopped on the yellow line. “Because the sign says stop?” I replied. Cue much shouting in Italian German. “You want me to move it?” I asked “NEIN!!!” they all shouted. Again, they checked our shit, for some reason stole Trud’s backstage pass laminate for their personal collection, tried to pronounce my surname a few times, then told me to move the van immediately or they’d arrest me. Utter, utter cocks. Our hotel was really nice but clearly owned by a strict Catholic family, none of who I had to deal with which is always a relief. But I nearly knocked off a twice-as-big-as-life-size Christ on the cross that was hanging on the stairway with my bag. It must have weight at least 200kg and would have done a lot of damage to whoever was behind me. So that was it, after my altercations with the Italian/German Gestapo and Jesus H. Christ himself, I was ready for bed.

In German Italy, both are second class citizens

Misery Index/Grave tour 2010: Ljubuljana, SI

Thursday 11th Nov - Ljubuljana, Slovenia

I have to confess that I knew nothing about this country, other than the fact that it was former Eastern Bloc and is where they host Metal Camp every year. We went for a walk in the town and it was a really nice place with really friendly locals, so much so that I'm planning a return trip for a long weekend at some point in the future. The venue was part of a squat type youth centre in an old disused army barracks, and as well as our show there were a few parties going on in and outside of the other buildings too. We were staying in a large house on site that a lot of bands that pass through stay at which meant no drive after the gig, which in turn meant we could all get hammered. There was some real cool artwork and sculptures in the complex and the whole place had a good DIY vibe to it.

Tonight was another great gig, with some really retro looking young guys with funny hair, ill-fitting clothes and huge moustaches dancing down the front. I loved playing this place and hope we can get back at some point. After the other bands left in the nightliner, we stood outside getting drunk and met various people from the other parties when we spotted Trud’s long lost older Slovenian brother who we dubbed Mattias Trudski. He had the same crap hair as when we first met Trud, a crapper moustache and was totally and utterly cunted. He could hardly stand and was either trying to unlock his own bike or steal someone else’s, it was hard to tell. He finally got it unlocked, took a piss all over it then attempted to push it over to us. He drunkenly muttered something in what might have been Slovenian, so we said “We don’t understand dude, we’re from England” to which he replied “Ahhhh, England!!! Rik Mayall? Birmingham? Pet Shop Boys?” Nice to know our nation is famous for more than just crap teeth and the Royal Family. We told him to be careful with that bike as he staggered off, to which he replied “Bicycle least of problems!” What a guy.

Trud was particularly taken with the dragon statues

Misery Index/Grave tour 2010: Vienna, AU

Wednesday 10th Nov – Vienna, Austria

I always enjoy playing Austria. The crowds are good, the people are great and Vienna is just a beautiful city, classy and well worth a visit. We got there pretty early so we decided to pay a visit to our old buddy Alex Wank from Pungent Stench. Alex owns a shop called Totem which sells underground Metal and Industrial music as well as merch, and adult and occult books.

He also now has a Pug which growelled at us any time we stood too near to Alex (he’s got him well trained!) 

Bought the missus a Burzum record bag and a book on body piercing which was full pictures of surprisingly unattractive people with coach-bolts through their foreskins and labias. We hung out for a bit, then found a really good family owned restaurant for some quality food before heading to the venue. 

The show was great as it always is in Austria, we need to get there more often. Martin and Greg from Pungent Stench came down with the guys from their current band Hollenthon, as well as various people we knew from festivals like Kaltenbach and it was really cool to see them all again. All in all, the day was great, having seen a good bit of the city and hung with some old mates. At the end of the night some of the guys went out drinking, but I decided to stay in the hotel we’d been given. Got woken up in the early hours of the morning to hear Trud, Nate and Louis Walsh having some drunken argument, in the bathroom. Told them all to shut the fuck up, then tried to go back to sleep as one of them turned on me. Cool.

Misery Index/Grave tour 2010: Ostrava, CZ

Tuesday 9th Nov – Ostrava, Czech Rep.

Another familiar face promoting tonight’s show, this time Tomas from Intervalle Bizarre. It was pretty full when we went on and the crowd were really into so it was a great night and I looked forward to coming back the next Summer for Obscene Extreme, (which, despite Tim cutting the end of his finger off a couple of days before and having to have it sewn back on was fuckin wicked as expected!):

But anyway, back to tonight. We went for a little walk and found an Irish bar. I have no idea what appeal Irish bars have outside of the USA where pretty much everyone claims to be either Irish or Sicilian (or sometimes both!) We gave it a miss and I can only assume we found a Czech bar selling some really strong shit because again, my memory from here is blank. All I remember was the next morning when we got charged for a door we’d damaged. Not because we’re cliched dickhead wannabe rock stars who smash hotels up, but because someone accidentally walked into it in the dark and left a massive dent in it. Lame.

Misery Index/Grave tour 2010: Bratislava, SK

Monday 8th Nov – Bratislava, Slovakia.

"Anarchogram CDs - TALK TO ME!!!!"

Our first ever trip to Slovakia meant a quick stop to buy a road map as the Sat-Nav we’d been using didn’t go that far East. I decided to leave the driving to the others while we were in this country, I can’t follow maps or directions for shit. I did a share of the drives on the tour, but the majority of it was handled by Tim and Nate because both were more used to driving on the wrong side of the road (and it IS the wrong side of the road). Louis Walsh can’t drive, and Trud point blank refused because he didn’t have the confidence or something, so instead he had the Terry Tibbs job. This meant he had to be a dodgy but charismatic bald headed salesmen each evening, and he’d go around the venue trying to sell our EP to the punters in person rather than wait for them to come to the merch stand. Some of the guys in the other bands found this amusing, but the fact was we completely sold out of the first pressing of the EP doing this and had to have them re-pressed in time for our Israel tour at the end of December. So anyway, we arrived at the venue, it was cool seeing Martin again and we ate what up to that point was the best venue food of the tour. Venue food is often shit, it’s the bare minimum that people can get away with offering. I’ve never understood why Italy for example –a country with possibly the finest cuisine in the world and that takes pride in mama’s homecooking- always gives bands the shittest food they can. It’s like they’ve actually gone to some effort to make it appalling. But this was really nice, probably because the venue was attached to a café/bar. The show went well enough, the crowd was decent but merch sales weren’t great for anyone here. A lot of bootlegging goes on in the former Eastern Bloc and I guess official shirts are too expensive for most of them, even though we always try to sell our merch as cheap as we can. We’re not out to earn millions from our music, but costs need covering so what we do make goes back into funding tours, recordings and things like that. People who say that it’s fine for them to download a band's complete back catalogue because “bands can make money back through merch” have a) obviously never been to Slovakia, and b) are unlikely to own shirts by every band who’s music they’ve downloaded and liked. 

Anyway, this was one of those nights that we decided to leave soon after our set to start the drive to the next show and stay somewhere en route. You see some really fucking stupid driving on tour, you're bound to when you clock up that amount of miles, and on this night we saw some asshole over taking a truck in the opposite lane and force a car ahead into the hard shoulder where he did a 180 degree skid and smashed all his lights and mirrors. We stopped to see if he was OK or needed any help but he had a big smile and said that he was fine. Most people would be shaking and pretty freaked out after this kind of crash, so I guess he was used to it. It didn’t fill me with much confidence for the rest of the journey so I drank some beers while watching ‘Hot-Tub Time Machine’, which wasn’t crap as you’d expect, and was actually pretty cool. Apparently Jon Cusack took the lead role as soon as he heard the title and without even finding out the plot, such was his confidence in the idea. I sometimes buy CDs on a similar basis.

Saturday, 28 April 2012

Misery Index/Grave tour 2010: Munich, DE

Sunday 7th November - Munich, Germany

Trud and Tim’s quest for free booze seemed to have worked. Our alarm went off and they weren’t in the room. Maybe they’d got up early and were out having breakfast I thought? Of course they hadn’t, what am I, a fuckin' moron??? They’d been up all night drinking. About 15 minutes later, they fell into the room, totally and utterly hammered, and I mean beyond paralytically cunted. 

“Boys, we’re leaving in half an hour” I said.
“Yes, yes, yes, we’ll do it when we get to the venue” they replied and went to sleep. 

You can usually wake Tim up and make him move when needed, so we did, but Trud was a little harder and needed a bit of encouragement in the form of duvet stealing, rib kicking and leg dragging. He tried to fight back, pathetically due to his exhaustion and drunkenness which had me in hysterics, he was really trying the poor sod, but we eventually got him and Tim into the van, where they both climbed into the single bunk and went to bed. I have no idea how both of them managed to fit in there. You can sleep one person in it diagonally because it’s kind of a square shape, but they’re both over 6 feet tall and neither of them are likely to win any Mr Thin competitions any time soon so fuck knows what kind of yoga they had to do to fit all their bits in there. It was a long drive and they slept soundly the whole way, almost too quietly. I was a little worried that one of them might have a trouser accident, but lo and behold there was no trouble there, remarkably, and when they fell out the bunk at the other end, despite looking and feeling like shit, they seemed OK. I remember nothing about this gig I’m afraid, nothing at all, the venue, the people, nothing, which probably means it was average, or I was off my head. Most likely the former. Maybe the latter. Fuck knows. I think this is the night that we were given a weird abandoned building to sleep at though, next to a school. We had camp beds in a dusty basement with corridors that reminded me of the old hospital in Silent Hill 2, and I half expected to see dead nurses walking toward me as I headed off down one to get a shower. But unfortunately, nothing sinister or untoward happened and we all slept soundly. Slovakia tomorrow, our first time there and the gig was to be put on by our old pal Martin from Sanatorium, so we were proper looking forward to it.

Misery Index/Grave tour 2010: Almost Poland...

Saturday 6th Nov – Berlin Pt.2: Reluctant day off

Woke up at a decent time feeling surprisingly OK after last nights excesses. Unfortunately though, the van had been playing up a bit and when we tried it in the morning we realised there was no way it was going to get to Poland and back, it was gonna need some serious work done on it (It was new to us and needed a bit of TLC to turn it into the hardened touring wagon it is today). I’m no mechanical expert, but I believe the technical term is that it was ‘knackered’. It would be better to try and do this work in a large German city than at the side of a motorway or in a small town in Poland, so we reluctantly had to give the gig a miss and spent the day making some repairs. Nate and Tim are pretty clued up on mechanics, so they got to work. Trud and I arranged with the nice lady at the venue that we would stay upstairs again that night, and a guy we’d met the previous evening had told us that Napalm Death, Immolation and Macabre were in town, so we texted Shane Napalm and he kindly agreed to stick us on the guestlist.

So after a look around Berlin, which is a really cool city and where we saw the famous Brandenburg Gate and a peaceful protest rally with bands in the park nearby, we headed to the show and were ushered straight in when the staff at the door saw the passes from our own tour we had dangling from our trousers. Just as well really, it meant we avoided the pat-down by security which would have been trouble, as for some reason Louie Walsh was carrying a knife. We caught the last song of openers Waking The Cadaver’s set. I’d never seen this band before, just seen them being slagged off on the internet. They were playing some kind of Devourment-esque, bouncy Death Metal which I’m told is called ‘Slam’. It wasn’t the kind of thing I’d listen to at home, but it seemed decent enough live for what it was. Then Macabre came on. We’re all massive Macabre fans, especially of the Sinister Slaughter album which is totally unique and a classic that everyone should own.

Although they had a few technical difficulties and their set was nowhere near long enough, it was a great show. Afterwards, we headed backstage -again by flashing our passes from our own tour- and were offered some beers by the Napalm guys once we got through. Trud and Nate had toured with Macabre when they were in Screamin’ Daemon, and Tim had Tour Managed them, so they introduced me to Nefarious and Dennis The Menace and they all got reacquainted. Cool guys, Dennis was totally crazy, and hard to keep up with. Really funny dude and pretty eccentric. Corporate Death walked past and the lads said hi to him but he didn’t seem to have a clue who they were or what was even happening either. My guess is he’s medicated himself with acid one too many times as a youth. After shooting the shit for a while, I headed out to watch Immolation which I had to do from the side of the stage. The best place to watch a band is always from the front, but the 900 capacity venue was completely rammed and you couldn’t move for shit, no exaggeration, everyone was squashed together like tinned sardines. It was a complete sweatbox too. Immolation played a great set as always, then Napalm Death came on. Still one of my favourite bands of all time, I think I own 14 CDs and 4 vinyls by them and live they’re untouchable. So after their mind blowing set of classics old and new, we said our goodbyes and headed to a café over the road for some food and bumped into one of the dudes from Morgoth, who had reformed and were to play Deathfeast Open Air the same day as us the following Summer (which you can read all about in a previous blog). We got the train back to the venue we were sleeping at and after a few quiet beers upstairs, Trud and Tim headed back down to the same club as yesterday and tried to blag more free drinks while Nate, Louie Walsh and I got some much needed rest.

Misery Index/Grave tour 2010: Berlin, DE

Friday 5th Nov – Berlin, Germany

Bonfire night in England, which meant our better halves had to keep all our cats in back home in case any little shits out on the streets decided to stick fireworks up their assholes. It’s not an event I celebrate, I don’t see anything even remotely good about burning effigies of Guy Fawkes who had plotted to blow up the Houses Of Parliament. Anyone who did that to the Government today would be my fucking hero, even if it was for religious reasons! Oh yeah, you know that myth that when Guy Fawkes was caught and tried for treason, he was strapped to Big Ben (the bell at the top of the tower)? Apparently he had his genitals placed between the bell and the hammer, then had nothing to do but wait for midnight to strike. It’s said that his screams could be heard above the muffled chimes for miles. Well, that’s a load of bollocks. He was executed 250 years or so before Big Ben even existed and was merely tortured for information, then jumped from the scaffolding to his death before he could be hung, drawn and quartered (pussy!) 

Anyway, where was I. Oh yeah, Berlin tonight, Always a pleasure playing for the crazy Germans again! It was Friday and the crowd were in the mood to party. Before we'd left, I’d decided to pace myself for this tour and so hadn’t been getting drunk every night, but tonight I thought sod it, we’re in Berlin and it’s Friday so I got nicely tipsy, and after a cool chat with Arsis’ drummer about the New York Hardcore scene he'd been a part of for a while, we hit the stage. We had a really good gig and hung out with some cool people afterwards. The venue is in a complex with various other nightclubs and at the top there’s a floor with a lounge area and bedrooms for us to sleep in, so after the show was over and the other bands’ nightliner had rolled on to the following night’s show in Poland, we went to one of the clubs where they were having a Rammstein night, which basically meant screens showing Rammstein videos while their albums were played back to back. I guess Germany is pretty proud of what must be it’s biggest band since The Scorpions (who I’m told are pretty unpopular in their home country?) Our British charm worked pretty well on the barmaid it seemed and she spent the night giving us free drinks, which for me meant lots and lots of Bloody Marys. Eventually, I headed off totally hammered to get some sleep before it got light and hoped the next day's hangover wouldn't be too terrible...

Misery Index/Grave tour 2010: Kassel, DE

Thursday 4th Nov – Kassel, Germany

Tonight was several floors upstairs in a large industrial building if I remember right. There was a huge shirt stand that evening that’s run by Shindy Productions who we’ve known for a few years so it was good to see a familiar face there. The show went pretty well, the crowd, as is usual for the opening band on a week night, were sober when we went on and some kept a bit of distance between themselves and the stage, but by the end they were pretty warmed up and a bunch of them came forward. We got some really nice compliments after, and I met a few Gorerotted fans, and as is the case sometimes with Gorerotted fans who come to gigs that we happen to be on, I was told “I didn’t know you sounded like THAT, I read on the internet that you were blah blah blah.” It’s a bit of a shame this, I have no idea who goes around saying we’ve toned down or that we play a style of music that we don’t, or why people who claim that Gorerotted was their favourite band ever haven’t bothered to check out what we’re doing now for themselves, but by the end they got what it is we do and why we are now The Rotted instead of Gorerotted [CHECK HERE FOR A FULL EXPLANATION] After the show, we were given keys and directions to a flat that we’d been offered for the evening. All I can say is wow. This place was one of the best decorated flats I’ve ever seen! 

Misery Index/Grave tour 2010: Hamburg, DE

Tuesday 2nd Nov – Bochum, Germany

Since this tour, my favourite pair of jeans that look like I've sat in a pizza have stopped fitting me. Lame.

Tim and I played this venue on both the Decapitated and Pungent Stench tours we did in the Gorerotted days. It’s 2 rooms, one big, one small and once again we were in the small room. No one was in the big room that night, but I remember on the 2003 Pungent Stench tour that during load-in through the big room, I watched a bit of Kings Of Leon sound checking for their gig the same night. The large foyer outside contains a bar and leads to both rooms. It’s also where merch is sold, so on that particular gig we were set up next to KOL’s considerably more impressive stand and I sat there playing “Guess Who’s Come For The Mormon Soft Rock Gig And Guess Who’s Come For The Death Metal Gig.” Not the most fun game in the world, but touring can get pretty monotonous and it killed a few minutes. Oddly enough, I actually managed to sell a Kings Of Leon fan a Gorerotted shirt because he thought the design was funny. Another 10 Euros in the pot. Ker-Ching! But anyway, tonight was pretty cool from what I can remember. We played our set to a good crowd, then went for a walk in Hamburg. The venue’s in the Red Light district I think. I like seedy areas, always loads of shops selling knives, tobacco and booze, some cool bars, and a few dodgy characters. And of course the porn cinemas and wank booths (neither of which I or any of the others visited. We were on a tight budget and could only afford knives, tobacco and booze.)

Misery Index/Grave tour 2010: Bochum, DE

Tuesday 2nd Nov – Bochum, Germany

After a hearty breakfast courtesy of Cherie and meeting her son Russell who’d popped over, we left and arranged for them both to come see us when we hit Tilburg at the end of the tour. We’re always very grateful to people who help us out like this, it makes a huge difference to us when we can eat and sleep well. We arrived at the venue and sound checked while a beautiful, huge white German Shepherd dog slept at the front of the stage. He looks more bored than we were by the experience, which took forever due to the desk needing to be completely repatched.

I liked the place, it felt like an actual music venue with some character to it and wasn’t full of adverts for mobile phones and Rockstar fucking energy drinks!!!! Soon after our set, our manager Louie Walsh arrived to join us for the rest of the tour. Louie Walsh isn’t his real name, but we called him that because he was our manager and is Irish, and he said things like “Oi t’ought it it waas a gree-at performance” and “Lads, you really mee-ade t'at Motorhead song yer own.” But unlike the real Louie Wlash, to my knowledge he’s never been accused of sexually assaulting a young man in a public toilet. He’d instead been working on the Annihilator tour for 2 months and just came straight here to join us. We now had a merch guy, and he was in fact the 3rd merch guy in the touring party. I honestly don’t know why a tour like this needs 3 merch dudes, if we’d all chipped in on the fee we could have had 1 guy doing everyone’s, but Arsis had brought their man over to do theirs, and Petri from Finnish Grinders Feastem was doing Misery Index and Grave’s. I’d met Petri years earlier at Summer Breeze festival where I’d shared a joint with him, he’s a good fella and Feastem played Obscene Extreme with us the following summer. They’re a kick ass Grindcore band, and you should check them out!

Misery Index/Grave tour 2010: Zaandam, NL

Monday 1st Nov – Zaandam, Netherlands

Outside the van at Cherie's house and already knackered and weakened 

The first show of any tour means my favourite job: Merch sorting! Totally tedious, counting things out and putting them into piles, then setting up a display and making signs. Weakening. After soundcheck we had a bite to eat and were soon onstage. It was a Monday night and of course we went on at 6:30, half an hour after the doors opened. I wasn’t expecting much, but although the 600 capacity venue was by no means full, there were a decent amount of punters through the doors and we went down pretty well. Spent the rest of the evening doing merch and chatting to some of the guys in the other bands. They all seemed like nice enough fellas. I also got my first experience of each band. The Last Felony play chaotic, modern Death Metal and I couldn’t really hear what was going on if I’m honest, but they went down pretty well. Arsis play technical, melodic death/thrash/glam which isn’t my kind of thing either, but like The Last Felony they did their thing pretty well and the crowd liked them. Grave came on next and I knew they’d be my favourite band of the tour. They’re often referred to as one of the Big 4 of Swedish Death Metal, but I was a lot less familiar with them than I am with Entombed, Dismember and Unleashed (I’ve since remedied this though!) The guys played a great set of Old School Death Metal and I ended up watching a good portion of their show every night that I could. Misery Index closed the evening and pummelled us with a really cool dual-vocal Death/Grind assault, high energy and very tight. Overall, the mix of styles the 5 bands played was a pretty good variety. There’s nothing worse than a show where all the bands sound exactly the same. So the first gig was over, no major technical issues for any of the bands. Some of the venues on this tour were providing us with places to sleep, and on others we had to sort ourselves out. Tonight was one of those nights, and luckily our good friend Cherie from metalphoto.org turned up and kindly offered to let us sleep at her place. Cherie has a photo studio and climbing wall in the basement of her house which meant a massive crash-mat for us to kip on. She offered us a load of beers when we got in, so we sat around for a bit drinking, then had a very comfortable night’s sleep downstairs.

Misery Index/Grave tour 2010: Leaving day

I wrote this one in retrospect using nothing but my memory and photos. Some of the details may be a little patchy in places, but this is the tale of 4 weeks in a van in Europe.

31st Oct – Leaving day:

The last time we’d done a 4 week tour we were on a Nightliner, which meant someone else drove a massive bus towing a trailer while we partied in one of the 3 lounges or slept in our bunks, but as we were a last minute edition to this tour, we were not only opening every night, but also driving ourselves in a van, which is never a problem for us because while a Nightliner with bunks and 3 lounges is all well and good, they’re always crowded places and you don’t really have your own space. The guys in The Rotted have known each other for years now though and are comfortable enough around each other to know when to leave someone alone or to tell someone to fuck off, and we know how to be considerate and not irritate one another too much. 

So there I was, sat outside Greenwich Station waiting for the van to pick me up. We’d decided that rather than hire a van for 4 weeks, Tim was going to buy one, kit it out the way we wanted it and would then start his own Driving/Tour Managing/Merchandising business. I jumped in and saw that he’d been pretty busy. In the back was 2 rows of seats facing each other with a table in between, a flat screen TV, a media drive with shitloads of stuff to watch, a bunk for 1 person (or 2 as it turns out, but more on that later) and in a separate section was plenty of storage space for all the gear and merch a touring band needs. It was comfy and spacious enough. I got settled and we headed for the ferry port. The idea was to have a night in Bruges because it looked really nice in a film we’d seen (‘In Bruges’) and it was en route to the first show the following evening. Things didn’t turn out like that unfortunately, as the only affordable place to stay that we could park the van in was a Formula One hotel on the outskirts of a nearby town. On finding that it would have been a very expensive taxi ride in to Bruges or an evening of one of us staying sober and having to piss around with finding somewhere to park, we jumped on a tram and went into the local town centre instead, the name of which escapes me. After a hearty dinner, lots of Belgian ales, and watching a very dramatic, flamboyant Skinhead beating up a sign while his girlfriend tried to calm him down before the police arrived, we headed back to the hotel in a fairly drunken state. Belgium’s not one of my favourite countries to visit, but they make some good fucking beer over there! I volunteered to sleep in the van while the other guys took the 3 beds in the tiny hotel room. For those of you have never been in a Formula 1 Hotel, they’re cheap but pretty basic, and they always smell of semen. If all you want is a bed for the night and can handle the smell of aged love-juice, they’re perfect for a party of 3 as they consist of a double bed with a single bunk above it, and a sink for pissing into. As it’s bare minimum though, breakfast is never included and neither are towels, so many’s the time I’ve had to use a sheet to dry myself after a visit to one of the nearby showers, walking with the sheet wrapped round me to look like some drunken, bald, tattooed Greek toga wearing dude, or sometimes in just my underpants. I think my most favourite occurance to happen in a Formula 1 hotel ever would have been back in the Gorerotted days. We were in Belgium and a certain band member (you can probably guess who if you know the guys well enough) sat on the window ledge nude and got me to hold him round his chest as he dangled out the 2nd story window and had a quick danger wank. Sometimes I look back on my life and wonder how the hell something like that could seem like a normal, every day event at the time. How we didn’t get arrested, injured or killed that day is a mystery that still plagues me to this day. Needless to say there was none of that funny business this time around...

Wednesday, 4 January 2012

Archived 2011 News from website

(Reads in chronological order from top to bottom)

10.01.2011 - First Summer Festivals Confirmed!

As well as playing a one-off show at London's Camden Underworld with Dutch Death Metallers Hail Of Bullets in March, The Rotted have been confirmed for Bloodstock Open Air (UK), Deathfeast Open Air (DE) and Obscene Extreme Festival (CZ). Check the tours section for details of these and other shows TBC.

20.01.2011 - The Rotted enter the studio!
The Rotted have just entered Parlour Studios to record the follow up to 2008's Get Dead Or Die Trying. Production duties will once again be handled by Russ Russell (Napalm Death, Dimmu Borgir, Evile etc). Says vocalist Ben McCrow: "So this is where I give it the obligatory "This is our best/heaviest/brutalist/most epic album yet blah blah bollocks etc etc" is it!? Well, that's for you to decide, I already know what I think, what I will say now is that this album will take no fucking prisoners, and that fans of Napalm Death, Entombed, Motorhead and Wolfbrigade are in for a real treat!" The as yet untitled album is set for release mid/late 2011.

16.02.2011 - Paypal now accepted!The Rotted's Big Cartel store has re-opened for business, so fans without credit/debit cards can now buy via Paypal again! Grab yourselves a copy of the Anarchogram EP if you haven't already, or if you came to any shows in 2010 but missed out on the official tour shirts, this will be your last chance to get one, as once they're gone, they're gone! All dates played in 2010 are featured on the backprint. Check em out here:

05.07.2011 - The Rotted confirmed for Eindhoven Metal Meeting

The Rotted will be appearing at this December's Eindhoven Metal Meeting in The Netherlands. Check www.eindhovenmetalmeeting.com for for more info.

07.07.2011 - Tim re-visits his gore past and chops off the top of  his finger!

Yesterday Wednesday 6th July, Tim Carley, guitarist with The  Rotted, severed the top of his finger when a 180kg flight case fell on it from  a van (not a 60kg case as was originally reported). Tim received treatment in hospital to remove the damaged parts of the finger including the nail and the torn flesh. The doctors then sewed the remaining parts back together. The incident has left the top of Tim's bone unattached to the rest of his finger, which the doctors have said in time will heal.

In a statement Tim said, "The doctors have told me it will take at least 10 weeks to heal. When I asked her if I could still play the guitar, she replied 'I've heard your records, and to be honest I can't see this making much difference'. The rest of the guys in the band call me Timmy Iommi because of the riffs I wrote for the new album. Today, I got one step closer to walking in the great mans shoes. Unlike half the musicians in Metal magazines I'm not a moaning little girl, so I'm playing Obscene Extreme, Dong Open Air and Bloodstock with 3 fucking fingers and there's nothing that fate, karma and all the other bastards that mock me can do about it. The power of d-beats, blast beats and heavy metal shall never die!"

The accident happened at 11am and by 7pm, Tim was back home and rehearsing for Obscene Extreme Festival which the band will appear at as scheduled this Saturday.

Check the video below, warning contains some unpleasent photos!

Despite doctors orders Tim and The Rotted will still be playing as scheduled at Obscene Extreme, Dong Openair and Bloodstock festivals in the coming weeks.

08.08.2011 - The Rotted sign to Candlelight Records

We have signed with Candlelight Records. See what Tim has to say about this below. January & February 2011 saw us enter Parlour Studios with Russ Russell once again at the producers helm to record the second full length album, a must for fans of Napalm Death, Entombed, Wolfbrigade, Motorhead, Terrorizer, Dismember, Impaled Nazarene, Marduk, Discharge, GBH, Celtic Frost, Black Sabbath, Cro-Mags & Agnostic Front. Prepare for the aggro!!!

17.08.2011 - THE ROTTED to hook up with LOCK-UP and DRIPBACK for a string of Xmas shows.
We will join the mighty Lock-Up and Dripback for the following gigs:

21.12.2011 - Nottingham - Rescue Rooms
22.12.2011 - London - Underworld
23.12.2011 - Colchester - Arts Centre

Tim has this to say: "We played straight before Lock-Up at the Obscene Extreme Festival in July and it got very messy backstage. We only just survived one show together, I don't know how we are going to make it through three shows! Ben has requested a heroes burial at sea and I want my ashes chucked in the Thames. This is gonna be a very very brutal Christmas for one and all"

3.08.2011 - THE ROTTED to join Evile and Warlord UK at Terrorizer sponsored Grindhouse gig!

30.09.2011 - Birmingham - The Asylum
Prepare for a night of old school death metal and old school thrash!
For more info - http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=193131824087889

26.08.2011 - Bloodstock reviews and videos online!

Loads of great reviews of the Bloodstock 2011 show online now!
Artwork for the new album, as drawn by our very own bass playing Minister Of The Sinister, The Reverend M. Trudgill revealed today, release date set and a track by track account of the new album 'Ad Nauseam' posted online.

In true heavy metal style the album will be unleashed this Halloween (31st October 2011) by Candlelight Records.

Check out the 'Ad Nauseam' Track-By-Track video below for all the info, hear the tunes and see the artwork!

30.08.2011 - Album artwork and a track by track video play back from the new album‏ released!

12.09.2011 - The Rotted confirmed for Candlelight Records Festivals

The Rotted will join Orange Goblin, Anaal Nathrakh, Alter Of Plagues, October File, Xerath, Winterfylleth, Falloch and Eastern Front for 2 Candlelight Records shows in November 2011.

12th November 2011 - The Underworld - London
13th November 2011 - Moho - Manchester

16.09.2011 - The End is Nigh! AD NAUSEAM preorders available from today!

The End is Nigh! Preorders for AD NAUSEAM available now! Special fan packages available in limited numbers (including CD+Tshirt+Embroidered Patch + Plectrums). Prices include free postage in UK and very small postage rates to rest of world. Order before Halloween release date to get the special package! Buy direct from the band and support the insolent bastards! http://www.therotted.bigcartel.com/

03.10.2011 - 'Apathy In The UK' single available on iTunes now!

The Rotted's first ever single is now available for download on iTunes! Here's what guitarist Tim Carley had to say: "'Apathy In The UK' is a stand alone track on the new album and different from what we've done before. We chose it as the single because it is a FUCK YOU to all the scencesters, youtube warriors, corporate venues and illegal downloaders that having been ruining metal for the last few years. The music is a brutal and catchy piece of old school UK Grind and the the lyrics talk about what makes Metal great! The gigs and festivals, DIY fanzines, good bands, decent venues and we even reference some '90s London Metal clubs like 'Braindead' and 'The Devils Church'. The places that Dissection, At The Gates, Anathema, Cradle Of Filth, Primordial, Akercocke and Bal Sagoth played some of their first UK shows and where we as musicians first cut our teeth. Ben's lyrics say it better than I can... "Death Metal, Black Metal, Thrash or Punk, Hardcore, Grindcore, Doom or Sludge, To us it was one, DIY was law, It was the underground, And we supported it proud!"

In an ideal world we would have loved to release this on coloured vinyl, or limited edition gatefold sleeve or flexi disc but sadly those days are gone. Our label did that thing where they hold their hand in the air and rub their thumb against their index and middle finger, which we've been told is management speak for "too expensive". So its gonna be digital only, but there is exclusive artwork to download and not only do you get the cost of the single knocked off the album when its released you also get our cover of Motorhead's 'Iron Fist' (taken from the Anarchogram EP) for free too!

'Apathy In the UK' is a call to arms, it's for everyone out there that wants to keep Metal alive! Get off Youtubby, Faceache and Myspazz. Go to a gig, have a beer with the bands, start a fanzine, pick up a guitar and write the heaviest riff anyone has ever heard, buy a CD or piece of Vinyl and support the artists and most importantly wear your metal shirt with pride or get the fuck out of the metal scene!

18.11.2011 - Hammerheart Records to release Apathy In The UK on 7" Vinyl single

Hammerheart Records are to release The Rotted’s ‘Apathy In The UK' single on limited edition 7-Inch vinyl. The track is backed with ‘Drink Myself To Death’ and a cover of  Motörhead’s ‘Iron Fist’, (both originally taken from the Anarchogram EP) and will be available with or without a limited edition white T-shirt featuring the  cover artwork, this time created by vocalist Ben McCrow.

 Says McCrow:  “After seeing our rant about Metalheads not trying hard enough in this day and age, our friends at Hammerheart Records have offered to release ‘Apathy In The UK’ as a collectible 7-Inch vinyl single. A song containing the lyrics “Coloured vinyl, gatefold sleeves, limited editions not mp3s” was clearly crying out to be released in this format, so Hammerheart have offered to put their money where their mouths are and will be releasing The Rotted’s first ever slab of wax! Who knows, if it’s successful maybe we’ll be able to sort out a special gatefold, coloured vinyl version of the full album! It’s aimed at people who are as  passionate about collecting rarities and special releases as we are, people who feel their music collection should be more than just a load of files on a computer. All you die-hards, collectors and vinyl nuts out there, we salute you!”

19.12.2011 - First summer festival appearance of 2012 announced

We're pleased to announce that we'll be returning to Summer Breeze Festival in Germany next Summer. This will be our second appearance as The Rotted. Other bands already confirmed include Amon Amarth, Immortal, Behemoth, Napalm Death, Sick Of It All, Anaal Nathrakh, Asphyx, Crowbar and loads more. Check the festival's website here for updates.